Summer is here and I love the clothes associated with the season. I get to wear my jean shorts, my Tevas, and my Utilikilt. And I also love the clothes that the ladies wear, short skirts, tank tops, and tube tops (for our friends in the double-wides).
But there is one type of clothing that could be the enemy of the ladies, the plaid pants. I was out and about the other day and I saw a woman wearing capri pants with a plaid pattern on them. I noticed that the plaid, creating an optical illusion, increased the size of her slightly overweight behind at least 50%. Did she know? Should I tell her? Do other women know? Well, that’s why I am here.
Your ass + plaid = your huge ass.
I’m just trying to help.
Now I’m not saying don’t wear plaid pants and shorts. I just want you to know how your scrumptious bum looks when wrapped in a pattern that should only be seen on bagpipes, flannel shirts, and retro golfers. Maybe you have a bumette or bumita and you want to make it look bigger. Plaid would be the way to go.
Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe that anyone should wear anything they want. If a 400 pound man or woman wants to wear a bikini or Speedo, more power to them! If a person with a great body wants to hide it in baggy clothes, fine! If kids want to wear their pants down to their knees showing everyone their underwear and look like a moron and walk like a penguin, go for it! And if you don’t care how you look, that’s fine too. Wear what you want with pride. It’s sad that clothes make the man, or woman for that matter, and we aren't judged on who we are instead.
(I would have taken some photos to illustrate my point, but [no pun intended] I didn't want to get arrested for running around the mall, taking pics of women's butts.)
Be good,
Grey
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